To spank or not to spank?

 Hi I'm Jenima and I do have a son who is overly active, and I cannot control sometimes my anger so i spank him. I think in my opinion spanking can help a child to be aware what he or she did. But we have to reason out also why we spank them, it can mold them to become a better person if we discipline them while they still a child.

For me having 5 boys, spanking is inevitable.  I have no choice but instill decipline because if not, chaos, chaos and more chaos.  Especially when they would "gang up" on me.  Now my boys are becoming teenagers, verbal reprimand and reasoning is preferred.  But to my youngest boy, spanking still works best.

In a way, spanking sets up Asians apart from Americans or whoever that advocates "child's rights" against a parent's duty to decipline a child.  Spanking instills "respect for parents", or "takot sa magulang".  Without respect, or sometimes even fear, kids tend to stray to another path that may prove too destructive to himself and others, or even fatal.

Since my first baby will be a girl I think i can't spank her because i believe that words can do discipline a child and she will remember it until she grows and realize those words in the future. Unlike when she was spanked it will just make her feel sorry for herself thus would make you feel guilty as a parent.

I grew up without being spanked by any of my parents but I still keep in my mind all the things that they have taught me.

another "must" read article to  read....

How effective is spanking as discipline for children?

A more definitive question would be: "How should spanking be used as discipline for children?" When clearly defined guidelines are practiced, spanking is both effective and biblical. It is possible to be too strict. For that reason, parents need to establish a balance between two requirements: consistency in enforcing good behavior, while obeying God's command that we love our children. "Don't fail to correct your children. They won't die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death" (Proverbs 23:13-14, NLT). Spanking is an act of parental love established to change a child's behavior.

Children respond to the world differently from an adult. A child develops within boundaries that need to be filled with parental love. It is important that children learn the consequences of crossing those boundaries when they rebel or disregard authority. As adults, we realize that the purpose of a speeding ticket is to get our attention and to restrain our behavior. Children learn that the reason for their discipline is to get their attention and to change their behavior.

How effective is spanking as a discipline for children when parents are angry? The purpose of spanking is not for parents to express their anxiety or frustration. Anger places destructive fear into discipline. ". . .Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires" (James 1:19-20). Spanking is never used to humiliate a child. One parent made a habit of spanking their sons in front of the other brothers. The intent was to illustrate the consequences of disobedience. The results proved ineffective and even caused ridicule and disrespect among the brothers.

Parents who discipline effectively spank on a basis of clearly defined rules, not on their feelings at that particular moment. They spank for acts of disobedience, defiance, and rebellion. Just like a police officer, they do not need to be angry to enforce a rule or law. Effective parenting is accomplished when God's moral laws are enforced. "Discipline your children while there is hope. If you don't you will ruin their lives" (Proverbs 19:18, NLT).

How effective is spanking as discipline for children when biblical principles are followed? Spanking is effective as a method of correction when it follows God's Word and also focuses on instruction beyond punishment. Wouldn't it be terrible if God changed His rules daily? Fortunately, God is not vague concerning punishment and sin. Children need clear explanation of the wrong behavior, the reason for the punishment, and your expectations for their future behavior. Focus on positive behavior rather than directing negative attitudes toward children. It helps parents to respond appropriately when the right questions are asked:

• What was wrong about my child's behavior?
• Was the behavior dangerous or sinful? Or was the behavior just a childish, natural response that was inconvenient to me?
• What motivated my child's behavior?
• What is the best method to correct this specific behavior so that I can encourage more positive actions in the future?

How effective is spanking as discipline for children? The Scriptures do not give parents permission or a command to yell at or hit a child. Hitting is an uncontrolled emotional response. Spanking is a calm application of discipline that is appropriate to a specific behavior. Often parents will ask, "How many times do I have to tell you that?" If simply telling a child made them obey, we wouldn't have to repeat ourselves so many times. Spanking is only one tool in disciplining children. Always think beyond the spanking to the goal of long-lasting results of godly obedience. "Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do" (Ephesians 6:1, NLT).
 

Hi! Just read an article and one part of it says:

"Spanking does not hurt children - it helps them. The reason that it helps them is that "foolishness" is "bound up" in the heart of a child.  Spanking will "drive" this foolishness from them, enabling them to lead a happy and productive life. (Proverbs 22:15)  As the saying goes, "no pain, no gain"."

http://www.usingspankingdiscipline.com/

Prov 13:24:  "The one holding back his rod is hating his son, but the one loving him is he that does look for him with discipline"

You have to understand that spanking was meant to be a training measure. It is to be applied to teach obedience, not as a punishment for disobedience. For babies who are just learning, the slight pain is the best way for them to remember that it was the wrong thing to do. The objective should not be missed: first-time obedience.

Most parents only spank when they've run out of patience trying to stop the misbehavior, like what bluestar experienced. That's not discipline anymore, but retaliation. It's become punishment for making the parent angry.

Others do a token spank, like what suzanneong does. We didn't do that. We did the real thing. Painless spanking, I believe, doesn't accomplish my purpose to teach them that disobedience has painful consequences.

Remember, you have to be clear on WHY you spank. If you're inconsistent, like when you only do it when you finally get angry, you defeat your purpose. What your kids learn is that they can disobey you for as long as you're not yet angry.

When we spanked our kids, we would always make them understand why they were getting the spanking,either by telling them, or by asking them why they would be getting the spanking. This way, they know that it's because of disobedience,not because of displeasure. After the spank, they would grab the little piece of wood, throw it away, then hug us while saying sorry and crying. And by the way, we only spanked once. If they persisted in disobeying (which wasn't often), i would pick them up and put them in their play pen without toys. It communicated that the disobedience would not be allowed to continue. It also prevented me from losing patience and spanking in anger.

Our twins are eight now. And because of their obedience training, they have now earned the right to negotiate: "Mommy, can i finish the show before i eat?" And if they get a no, they will turn off the tv and obey. But most of the time, they ask for sensible arrangements, and they've learned to keep their word.

I won't credit this to spanking, but to my husband and my commitment to teach them obedience. Spanking was just a tool. It's apinful for the parent as well as the child, but when the commitment to teach is clear, the child does learn, and then the rewards are worth it.

i am also a mother of two, girl and boy, with barely 1 year of gap. it's really hard to raise your children especially both of the parents are working (like us!). most of the time i thought it was difficult to manage them. weekends are the only days we can spend quality time with them. however, i also have to do the chores. it is my mom who looks after the kids when we are out and disciplined them as well. so, the ending, it's MAMU who does all the stuff. she doesnt want us to touch them or even yell at them. she says the kids won't understand and they might feel bad. i think patience is really a virtue. hehe.

I spanked my kids only once but the gravity was just enough to make them remember how it feels to be spanked and why they are spanked. After that, it has been easy to discipline them. For example, if they are not following my instructions I would ask them 2 things: are they going to follow or do they want to be spanked again. Definitely they will answer "no" and follow. Sometimes, I just need to look at them in the eyes whenever they are about to do or doing things that are not acceptable. They are very observant that they already knew that I am not tolerating such acts so they will stop or will not do it anymore. I am lucky enough that once is enough and my kids are “spank-free” after that up to now. :D

Honestly it's really hard to decipline my son, sometimes I had been in a situation where in I was forced to spank my son... but when I do... I usually make sure to spank on his diaper instead... but I only do it when reasoning with him is useless... but before I do anything I usually try to reason with him first or try to lure him with other means first like if he don't want to take a bath I would usually ask him to help soap and clean his toys then he would go in with me to the bathroom for me to bath him ha ha so far it usually works.

I grew up being spanked when my parents were extremely angry, although not constantly, I still found it to be traumatic. My parents had weaned off as I became older. 

When my son was growing up, I swore to never spank him. There were other ways to deal with his impertinence, usually through verbal reasoning, and that's all I did.